They Must Have Radar

You know, my loony-magnetism has been relatively quiet of late. It makes for an easier life, but not for terribly interesting blogging. Yesterday marked the end of that for me, and so dear reader, this is probably the start of a very interesting ride.

So yesterday I am walking to train (running late, as usual), and I find myself about 50 feet behind an older gentleman who is walking the same way. This is not peculiar.

There is no one else really on 48th street that particular morning, but at 8:30am or so, this is not peculiar.

Now, I am a fast walker by nature (even before I moved to NYC I was a fast talker and walker), so I was creeping up on this gentleman. I got to about 10 feet behind him, and he stepped to the side, stopped and turned to face me. This is slightly peculiar.

He then proceeds to sniff at the air (which admittedly smells of burning incense, probably from one of the open windows we are walking by) and says to me in an Eastern European accent, "smells like fire."

"I think someone is burning incense," I reply.

"I think it is the marijuana. That is why I like walking on this block," he says matter-of-factly.

This is also slightly peculiar.

I smile, bid him a good day, and walk past. He then decides to walk with me, struggling to keep up with my pace while asking me, "do you know the world is going to end next week?"

Getting more peculiar...

"Why, no," I say.

"Yes; Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday a meteorite is supposed to hit North America and we are all going to die."

"Oh, I guess I won't need to pay my rent then, will I?" I attempt to walk faster, but he insists on keeping up.

"No. I hope the meteorite hits here, so we all die first."

Okay... too peculiar for me.

Not that I don't understand the sentiment; honestly, who wants to survive a catastrophic natural event just to be killed off slowly in the aftermath? However, this is my cue to leave. I bid the gentleman a good day and quickly climb the steps to the train platform.

I swear they must have radar.

Crazy-Concentration

Living in New York City, one begins to notice certain things that seem to be scientific truths that only are only proven true in the vortex known as the Big Apple.

Truth #1: It is faster to tunnel through someone than to go around them (this does not hold true for objects however).

Truth # 2: People twice my size can defy the laws of physics and spatial relations by squeezing into a jam-packed subway car when I could not get on.

Truth # 3: The level of Crazy gets more concentrated in the 20 blocks between 32nd Street and 52nd Street on the West Side.

It is this third truth continues to astound me day in and day out. These 20 blocks are a blackhole of insanity that defy most explanation (especially between 32nd and 40th Streets). The best part is: there are definitely two distinct genuses of crazy within this 20 block span (and innumerable species).

Genus: Transiencious

• Nomadic
• Territorial
• Tendency to shout obscenities to no one in particular
• Usually have an identifiable odor

Members of this genus have been noted in a higher concentration between 32nd and 40th Streets on the West Side of Manhattan. The fascinating behavior I witnessed the other day as I was passing through on my way to meet my boyfriend included 3 of these specimens all shouting at one another in indescernable english. There were aggressive, closed fist arm movements and shouting in close proximity of their chosen target's facial region (usually within a few inches). Fascinated as I was, this observer found it necessary to cross the street to avoid being drawn into this confrontation, only to be followed by another of this genus telling me that I was some type of female canine and should wear less clothing.

Genus: Touristicus

• "I 'heart' NY" t-shirt
• Camera in hand/around neck
• General look of cluelessness
• May have a map

This particular genus is usually found between 40th and 52nd Streets in the West Side of Manhattan. Though generally harmless, their curiosity can cause them many troubles. They have been known to:

1. Wander into traffic to snap a photograph of a particularly tall/interesting/shiny object
2. Stand in herds in the middle of a high traffic walkway
3. Wear socks with sandals

Check out the wildlife where you live. You may indeed find these two genuses amongst your indiginous folk.