Crazy-Concentration

Living in New York City, one begins to notice certain things that seem to be scientific truths that only are only proven true in the vortex known as the Big Apple.

Truth #1: It is faster to tunnel through someone than to go around them (this does not hold true for objects however).

Truth # 2: People twice my size can defy the laws of physics and spatial relations by squeezing into a jam-packed subway car when I could not get on.

Truth # 3: The level of Crazy gets more concentrated in the 20 blocks between 32nd Street and 52nd Street on the West Side.

It is this third truth continues to astound me day in and day out. These 20 blocks are a blackhole of insanity that defy most explanation (especially between 32nd and 40th Streets). The best part is: there are definitely two distinct genuses of crazy within this 20 block span (and innumerable species).

Genus: Transiencious

• Nomadic
• Territorial
• Tendency to shout obscenities to no one in particular
• Usually have an identifiable odor

Members of this genus have been noted in a higher concentration between 32nd and 40th Streets on the West Side of Manhattan. The fascinating behavior I witnessed the other day as I was passing through on my way to meet my boyfriend included 3 of these specimens all shouting at one another in indescernable english. There were aggressive, closed fist arm movements and shouting in close proximity of their chosen target's facial region (usually within a few inches). Fascinated as I was, this observer found it necessary to cross the street to avoid being drawn into this confrontation, only to be followed by another of this genus telling me that I was some type of female canine and should wear less clothing.

Genus: Touristicus

• "I 'heart' NY" t-shirt
• Camera in hand/around neck
• General look of cluelessness
• May have a map

This particular genus is usually found between 40th and 52nd Streets in the West Side of Manhattan. Though generally harmless, their curiosity can cause them many troubles. They have been known to:

1. Wander into traffic to snap a photograph of a particularly tall/interesting/shiny object
2. Stand in herds in the middle of a high traffic walkway
3. Wear socks with sandals

Check out the wildlife where you live. You may indeed find these two genuses amongst your indiginous folk.